Denise was a good Christian. I know she was a good Christian because when I worked with her at a bank in the early 1990′s she told me she was a good Christian frequently. She loved all things Jesus, even brought a bible to work, which she’d fuss over and highlight in between calls.
I was no stranger to good Christian women. I was educated by nuns up until high school. My mom’s family was Catholic, and my Dad’s family was southern Baptist and Methodists. They were all good, honest, hard working people, not without their faults, but their time with God tended to be more private and intimate, not so brazenly in my face.
Something about Denise’s Christianity was more aggressive. It felt more offensive, or at least I felt more guarded and guilty around her.
Back in the early 90′s I was but a wee queer, still somewhat closeted and not-at-peace with my gayness. The output resulted in me being a mild mannered, agreeable, clean cut banker by day / boy crazy, booze guzzling, sinner by night. So while Denise rubbed many of my coworkers the wrong way, I entertained her biblical ramblings. Denise was my penance, a reminder of how un-Christian I had become.
I still had a lot of guilt in my early twenties. I was far from being the priest I dreamed of becoming in the 2nd grade, back when Jesus was my best friend too. Engaging Denise was like hearing about an old childhood friend, but discovering how much he’d changed. Through Denise I learned that Jesus had become more angry and judgmental, less friendly than the generous man I knew as a boy. He’d gotten bitter with age, had a scowl embedded in his face… Jesus had done the unthinkable, he’d become a hater.
One typical afternoon – Denise speaking in tongues, my coworkers gouging their eardrums with letter openers – I noticed cops talking to the Director. My heart began racing, when they looked in my direction…
There’s nothing more sobering than watching your boss escort the police towards you when you have a bag a weed in your backpack. An image of my brokenhearted mother morphed into a man named Bubba, my cell mate to be… Before I could fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness, I realized something. The police weren’t there for me. They were there for Denise, who I’d soon discover had been embezzling money from customers.
I was naive to take Denise at her word. Her Christian banner with the blinking arrow had distracted and mislead me. Had I been paying attention to her actions, not her words, I would’ve realized Denise wasn’t so Christian after all. She participated in potlucks begrudgingly, yet ate more than her share. She never pitched in when extra hours were needed or a coworker’s shift had to be covered. And perhaps most telling, she always rushed customers off the phone, so afterwards she could judge and mock them, determine who was going to heaven or hell based on their debits and credits.
Although I never claimed to be otherwise, I was guilty of being unchristian the afternoon Denise was arrested. I took satisfaction in seeing her led away in handcuffs a couple hours later. I was comforted by her hurt expression, when I announced to my coworkers, “There goes a good Christian woman.”
I’ve known and loved many good Christians in my lifetime, but they never boasted about their Christianity. They never used Jesus as a weapon, because doing so was unchristian. Instead, they lived life by Christian values. They were gracious, kind, and forgiving, and offered help when they could. They left judgement to the almighty.
Be Christlike and loving: forgive the sinners, care for the poor, and embrace your lepers. But get your bible out of my face.
Don’t tell me you’re a good Christian. Prove it. Be more like Jesus, and strive to make the world a better place…
Choose love over hate, starting with yourself.
andyduc
/ July 3, 2012I loved the reflectiveness of this blog, you also seem to have a captured a laconic retrospective of the Obama administration, and that sense of hope, and perhaps the spirit of the Nobel Peace Prize Obama received as recognition of ‘a promise to be fulfilled’
Nativegrl77
/ June 10, 2012Thank you for stopping by … wow … i was boy crazy, booze guzzler and sinner too! Then i met my babies daddy … ahhhh WE all have more in common … than not. my take
Guy Penn
/ June 10, 2012Couldn’t agree more. People typically have more in common than not. Thanks for visiting too!
Mike Martinez
/ June 9, 2012Great blog.
Guy Penn
/ June 9, 2012I appreciate the feedback, Mike. I was enjoying your blog earlier. Thanks for stopping by.
Missus Tribble
/ June 9, 2012I’m here because you’re following one of my sub-blogs (The Pickling Pagan) and after reading this post my hitting the “follow” button was inevitable.
All faiths have their hypocrites. This one seems to be one of the worst of the lot!
Guy Penn
/ June 9, 2012… and welcomed you are, Missus Tribble. I couldn’t agree more, the un-christlike hypocrisy of many Christians is maddening at times. But all bullies get their day!
Missus Tribble
/ June 9, 2012This is why I embraced my chosen Path so deeply. There is no concept of “My way or the Highway”, “I’m superior/above the law because…” or shovelling beliefs down an unwilling listener’s throat. There is no conveniently ignoring/twisting beliefs and scriptures to suit your own wants and needs.
I know many true Christians, and I hurt for them when people like this sully the faith. What happened to “Thou shalt not steal” and “Love thy neighbour”?
I have multiple disabilities, and once dropped a “Christian” friend because she told me that my son being autistic must surely mean that her God was punishing me, and that my own disabilities meant I must have sinned badly in a past life. I don’t want to be associated with anybody who has such a cruel attitude.
If you’d like to get to know me, as well as my core beliefs as a Wiccan, my main blog is http://rosewinelover.com – I hope you’ll stop by
Guy Penn
/ June 10, 2012I’ve been checking out your blog, Missus Tribble. I’m enjoying it very much. Great to meet you. I look forward to reading more as time allows.
Missus Tribble
/ June 11, 2012Likewise
andyduc
/ May 14, 2012Reblogged this on SwindonG.
Clare Flourish
/ May 12, 2012David Cameron is in favour of gay marriage. Few people over here are against. The Roman Catholic hierarchy has a petition against it, which they tried to get the pupils in Catholic schools to sign, but to little effect. A shame you could not become a priest, though. If you could have been Out, you could have done a lot of good.
Guy Penn
/ May 13, 2012Thanks for the clarification, Clare. I didn’t know Cameron was in support of gay marriage, especially since he is in the conservative party, which isn’t fashionable here yet in the US. As far as me wanting be to a priest, that was a lonnnng time ago (back when other boys want to be astronauts) but yes, if I could’ve honest about who I am and loved another, things may have been different. Thanks for the feedback and nice to meet you.
Blü
/ May 11, 2012I absolutely love diving into your writing – I always emerge with a better understanding of myself or at the very least a dizzy feeling as if I just spun around like a made 8 year old with a plastic bat and a pinata to hit.
Guy Penn
/ May 11, 2012Blü
/ May 11, 2012dystopiconvert
/ May 11, 2012clean-cut and agreeable by day, dancing away at night – that’s exactly what I’m doing now! I’m Christian as well and these days it’s so difficult sometimes to be gay and Christian and I totally get how someone like that could be your “penance”. The road to self-acceptance can be a hard one
Guy Penn
/ May 11, 2012Difficult at times but worth it in the end. And I’m continually encouraged by the growing acceptance. Depending on where you live, it’s a lot different than 20 years ago. We’ll all eventually get there.
Nice to meet you.
dystopiconvert
/ May 11, 2012Same here